I had a break yesterday to see one of those “summer blockbusters”, a spy flick staring Angelina Jolie called Salt. It had some good explosions and good action, but overall it was so outrageously terrible that I will reveal the entire cloak-and-dagger twist to complain. (spoiler ahead)
The movie stars Jolie as a semi-successful CIA spy, but, we eventually learn, she’s really a KGB super-spy, on a 30 year deep-cover mission to start WWIII. I don’t mind that this makes no sense. Oh, did I mention that she’s the super-spy with a big heart? Her martial objective is compromised by her love for her husband, an arachnologist who has about two lines before he is killed by the evil KGB spies.
So the worst part, which almost makes Salt worth watching, is when Jolie is on the run from her former team at the CIA and she escapes from her DC apartment but only after rescuing her little dog. Spy with a big heart, right? Then she leaves her dog with a young girl, while she goes to New York to start WWIII, but before she dumps her pet she has a little talk with the random African-American girl. (Whenever the action stops for talking in this movie is a bad thing…)
Jolie: Are you doing homework?
Girl: Yeah, math
Jolie: I always hated math.
Umm, hello character developers? Her super-history includes that Jolie’s mother (who she never met) was the only female chess grandmaster of her generation. Besides being a better role model for the young girls, it would actually make a lot more sense for the story if Jolie had inexplicably always loved math.
Unfortunately there will be a sequel to this spy-who-loved-and-lost. Maybe they can top the anti-math values in their first offering by having the evil super-spy loves puzzle like some of those Bond villains. Female super-spies succeed by loving puppies.